he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
