i was born a porn star she said
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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