Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
