gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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