Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
