i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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