i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
