Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize