i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
