My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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