Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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