Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
