I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
