Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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