so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
