Is it because I queefed?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize