it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So vagazzling was a success
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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