$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
