I'm drive I can fine osifer
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
