Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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