guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
