at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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