the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
