On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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