so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
