I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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