there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I cut my penus on the lid.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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