True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
