why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
