I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
