you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
