I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
