I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
