she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
