Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
