K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
