your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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