cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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