Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
