Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
