I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
