what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
