Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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