Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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