my soul wont recognize me after tonight
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
