mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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