I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
