That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
