Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
