You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
