She went from zero to smokin in five shots
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize