ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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