If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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