the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
