It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
