like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
