u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
