good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
