So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
