You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize