Your tits are I can't wait for
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize