If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
