literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
