He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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