we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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