You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
