Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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