i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
