Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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