If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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