I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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