I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
