hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
