guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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