Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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