Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She told me I should be a condom model.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
