when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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