people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I am naked and annoyed.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
