Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
