i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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