Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
