My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
