How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
