Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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