he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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