in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize