It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
