i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
